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where am i this week?

los angeles


 

 

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M E M O R A N D U M

TO:   GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but  seldom, if ever, smell
one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on  your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit,  but not ONE named for
a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?  We do love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle"  the " Chrysler
Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest  and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal  instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans  understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there  are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of  the things I must
remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it  or  after they
throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,  etc., just  because I
like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty  litter box,  although
they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in  for Mom's
driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an  unacceptable way of
saying  "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when  I'm under the
coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before  entering the house
- not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately  drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room  and  lick my crotch
when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play  with  him and he
makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my  testicles back?

 

 

 
 

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our village idiot


""Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."




"I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country."




"Had we to do it over again, we would look at the consequences of catastrophic success, being so successful so fast that an enemy that should have surrendered or been done in escaped and lived to fight another day."