TO:   GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but  seldom, if ever, smell
one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on  your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit,  but not ONE named for
a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?  We do love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle"  the " Chrysler
Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest  and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal  instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans  understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there  are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of  the things I must
remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it  or  after they
throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,  etc., just  because I
like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty  litter box,  although
they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in  for Mom's
driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an  unacceptable way of
saying  "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when  I'm under the
coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before  entering the house
- not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately  drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room  and  lick my crotch
when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play  with  him and he
makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my  testicles back?