FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they
throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although
they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house
- not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he
makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, My last question . . .
Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?